Thursday, 30 November 2023

Common sense

Bev McARTHUR (Western Victoria) (10:26): As the year draws to a close, I would like to mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, remembered for cultivating such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life is not always fair and ‘Maybe it was my fault.’ Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies – ‘Don’t spend more than you can earn’ – and reliable strategies such as ‘Adults, not children, are in charge.’

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his condition. Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing their job, which they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. Common Sense took a beating when you could not defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault or injury. Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman spilled hot coffee in her lap and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents Truth and Trust, by his wife Discretion, by his daughter Responsibility and by his son Reason. He is survived by four stepbrothers: I Know My Rights, I Want It Now, Someone Else Is To Blame and I’m A Victim. Not many, unfortunately, attended his funeral, because so few realised he was gone.

I am indebted to Lori Bergman for that assistance. (Time expired)